There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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