i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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