She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
