I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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