Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
