how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
