I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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