I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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