Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
