So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
