shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
