Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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