btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
