I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need moral support for this bender
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
