What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
