I wish i was in the wii world.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize