I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
this will be a night to untag.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
