You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
