the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk is a universal language darling
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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