This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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