I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
