May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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