Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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