So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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