umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
