i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Randomize
