I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Drunk is not a location!
I supernannyed him into submission
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
