I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
