i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
