if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
