you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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