so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
did i walk over a car last night?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
