Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
