So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
