And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
