you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
