This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
