Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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