Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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