that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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