No stitches, just platelets and will power
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
