I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
