I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
