So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
