maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
