put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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