Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
