its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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