Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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