i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
